Everything Has It's Time


It's been a beautiful season for me. I got married. Started a business. I've been experiencing more of who God is and how He is providing, but yet I've been grieving. At the end of February, I listened to a book by Bozoma Saint John, called The Urgent Life. In her book, she shares her experiences with death and grief. One of the stories she shares is about the process she went through while losing her husband. After listening to the book, later that week I received a text saying my aunts' husband had passed away. I thought, "Wow, this is an interesting thread." All that week I had felt out of sorts. Spiritually I knew why, but over the past week, I've come to realize that I haven't quite dealt with my grief. 

Now, I know you might be thinking "who in her life passed away?". Well, it's me. 

I died. For about 6 years I have just been living and dealing with it. Not addressing it. Not accepting it. Possibly avoiding it. Avoiding the fact that I would never be the same girl. I would never look the same. Feel the same. Think the same. Ever again. 

Over the past 6 years, I've been dealing with topical steroid withdrawal (TSW). TSW is a reaction that happens when your body is used to receiving steroids but then stops. In my case, I didn't stop using them on purpose. I stopped using them because my skin would get significantly worse after I would get a steroid injection. I would get a shot, my skin would clear up for a few days, then eczema would return fully ablaze and significantly worse. 

So, after doing some research I went on a health journey. I began restricting foods from my diet, then ultimately began eating only plant-based foods. I was determined that I could overcome this within that year, but I didn't. Things got worse. From 2018-2020, I dealt with it. Still going to work, church, and family functions. I still showed up. And with a smile. Fall of 2019, I moved in with my parents after realizing I needed help. I didn't want help, but I needed it. 

After staying with my parents for a few months, the topic that I kept trying to avoid, was constantly popping up. MEDICINE. I wanted to heal naturally. I knew I could. That's what God's word says and that's what I proclaimed over myself. Healing. I also knew that sometimes healing comes by way of those God sends. My parents had been suggesting it, and my brother even paid the fee for me to see a specialist doctor. 

So, I went to the doctor. They prescribed me medicine and I took it. Throughout 2020 to now my skin has been on the rebound. It's gotten significantly better and I'm truly thankful. I've never truly acknowledged that journey until now. Acknowledged the fact that I will never be the same, and I'm grateful. 

The past 6 years have been so painful but so fruitful at the same time. I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful to be in a position to say that I have grieved her. The old me. The me that never knew God as Jireh. The me that didn't know Him as Rapha. She is long gone and the woman I see in the mirror now is, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, a NEW CREATION. The scripture says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." The old me has passed away and I have become new. 

Death has a way of pulling you into a season of looking back. Looking back at what you had. Looking back at a time when you felt good. You know, those memories that you want to hold on to forever. And it's good to remember, but what trips us is holding on to the longing. The longing for things to be that way again, and the truth is they won't. They will be better. God is in the business of giving us new things. Things better than what we had. My prayer in this season is for God to give me a longing for the new. And give me the confidence to walk into the new boldly. 

My question to you is, "what time/season are you in"?

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

As I type this, I hear Him saying, "Oh daughter, you will never be the same."

I also hear a struggle with identity and the need to fit it. If that's you, lean into the Father and what His word says about you. Don't rush to get there. Trust Him and know that you are SO loved. 

Back to blog